All Hallows eve

Saturday would be the Night for all this rambling about clothed as haints and other dreaded creatures of the underworld. However for some school children from my daughter's school, today was also the day to go about dressed as creatures from other worlds. My daughter has been allowed to watch NCIS -- don't ask me how this happened -- and so when the topic of dressing up for Halloween arose which stunned me because I thought it was OVER -- she suggested that she would masquerade as Abby, the goth forensic scientist on this highly popular TV program.

Lots of black eye make up, dog collars and wrist bracelets which she and her Dad bought during their recent shopping trip, and black everything. You get it. Totally goth. I also found a temporary tatoo of a DNA sample which she put on her neck and manipulated so that it looked like a smudgy DNA sample and just maybe a spider web.

My reward for all this was that our taxi driver was french speaking and as we pulled up infront of school, Kate was excited because she had understood all the directions I was giving him in French. Bravo for language study.

As we say in our house There will be parties and trips to Paris.

Clothes

I have a ton of clothes, many of them well tailored, quite expensive and ideally suited to winter weather but they are still stuffed away in a closet. My day to day closet in the bedroom is full of white summer slacks, orange linen pants and other items that positively scream summer. I think I've written about this resistance to change before. And all I wear is one pair of black trousers and whatelse? Oh, yeah black and white flats. totally retarded because I'm into only wearing one or two items of clothing. But at the same time I'm still looking at all the clothes ads. Partially this is because of some kind of alien ennui, partially I think I'm too heavy and partially it just is.

I've also taken to scuffing my feet as I walk through the wide halls of buildings, museums and other public places. When I did that as a kid my mother would scold me and now I kinda scold myself and yet I still find it difficult to pick up my feet. Is this the harbinger of a second childhood?

Dream time

when Kate was really little I used the shower as a retreat to get it together and re group rather than announce that I was out of control and sit in the time out chair. I was very very clean during those times and the shower was my time out chair. Now my time to muse over life's events or the morning's inexplicable whatever is during the walk to the subway when I ponder such important issues as why I am refusing to wear socks even on a day like today when its both cold and rainy, why I shouted at Kate when I opened the door to her room at 6:05 this morning and found her watching Lie to Me on Hulu, "Turn that off immediately. Do you think you can spend your time watching hulu 24/7? and also why there are moments when my life seems totally surreal. That's probably the least answerable question because everybody thinks their life has a surreal quality. At least I think they do.

I'm more focused on the socks issue. And the clothes issue. I have both socks and clothes but I am becoming uncooperative about both.

Babysitting

I no longer hire baby sitters for kate; however I do hire people to hang out with her. A subtle difference probably only a mother would notice. But now Kate is a bonafide baby sitter herself. She had her first baby sitting job over the weekend. Jam packed Saturday with Chinese lessons, soccer game in the rain and then off to dinner in even more pouring rain. She and 'the child' had met before and settled in nicely for their evening together, asking anxiously every 5 minutes, when are you, the parents, leaving. The pizza arrived and we, the parents, left for a dinner 2 blocks down the avenue. Actually I didn't think about them at all. Nevermind that I had my cell phone out on the table in the midst of our dinner. They had a great time together, cleaned up their mess and in general were models of probity. On the way home Kate kept remarking how smart this little was. Luckily for Kate the child said the same thing about Kate. Can you imagine if your charge goes back and tells their parents that you're dumber than dirt.

And oh yes, she got paid. Her mother asked me what I thought she should get paid and so the mothers negotiated the fee. I opted for less. Certainly less than what I pay my people who hang out with Kate.

the rain passed and Sunday dawned bright and early in a household that was for once quite soundly asleep. I got up late -- 7:30 am -- and then we rolled into action. Out to the Park for Miss Murray, lunch out with Grandma Dot and then a long walk home through the westside and then over to the smart east side. By that time I've had enough of this action stuff and it's a nap for me.

That was Yesterday

and today is today. And today is November gray with winds that make you hunch inside your jacket. But I was prepared today. No more nautical whites. I'm even wearing gloves.

Went to Open House at Kate's school which I enjoy because it allows me to put a face to put to teachers name. Actually it's not that bad, she loves school and actually enjoys most of her teachers. I especially like her Latin teacher who has a wonderful New York accent and is a superior curmudgeon. However I still don't get why they can't find a native French speaker to teach french. Oh, have I said that a million times?

The tenacious summer

It's supposed to be 70 to 75 degrees today and apparently I am the lone person in New York who believes the highly unreliable weather people. I am wearing a white skirt. That's already shocking because any well bred person knows that white is never to be worn after Labor Day or before Memorial Day. But I figure that people go out on the streets in frightful costumes so my small rebellion will even go unnoticed. White skirt, no jacket and an open spirit hoping that I don't actually freeze to death because it doesn't even get up to 50.

High hopes for high temperatures.

Indian Summer

The weather is wacky but gorgeous. So although Kate should be practicing to get herself to school, ensuring that she arrives at the bus stop on time, pays attention so that she gets off at the right stop and telephone us promptly to say that she has arrived at school....I still like the time spent with her in the morning. Radical to say that sometimes it's quite ugly with one or both of us cranky and unforgiving but often it's just relaxed down time. This morning she was reading as she walked and I had to pause to remind her to take a look at the incredibly blue sky....And, then I have to fess up, I really love walking over to the Farmers Market which takes over Union Square before I bolt down my hidey hole and disappear into the subway. And this morning I arrived at work quite mellow and happy because the abundance of beautiful foods at the Farmers Market is staggering. Multi-colored fingerlings in hues of brown, red and blue. Thyme, mint, fresh sage, wild arugala and some herb I don't even know about,,,Radishes in a variety of reds including my favorite french radishes with white radishes that are just tipped with red and would I think adorn a plate of french butter with some salt on the side. Why are those people looking at every small eggplant and should I be buying some too. Ratatouille, grilled or in soy sauce? Will we be home for dinenr tonight or will it all spoil. If I buy too many apples should I make a pork pie with them, applesauce or an apple pie that I will eat by myself. It's all crazy and wonderful, especially at 8:00 am when they are just setting up their stalls, organizing box after box of apples and making the potted plants look so appealing. Not to mention the pumpkins.....

The Shoe Festish ist

Kate reminded me that on Sunday she had asked me to look at what she was wearing before we left the house. So, clearly, it was my lack of due diligence that made it possible for her to wear flip flops.

This morning I was giving her the once over before Arnie walked her to get the bus -- everybody gets to be what I consider a suburban parent in this household -- and my eyes slid down to her shoes.

"What makes you think that my Robert Clergerie slides are appropriate footwear for school? (Rhetorical questions) Take them off. "

Everybody wears shoes like this was not an acceptable answer....

Where the Wild Things Are

I think I was the only person who really wanted to see this movie but I took everybody with me. a family outing. And, it wasn't until we were on the subway going downtown that I happened to look at Kate's feet and realized that she was wearing flip flops. It was about 40 degrees and we had already had a conversation about dressing warmly; Everybody else was wearing socks, boots and winter jackets. It just made me laugh to see this kid wearing flip flops.

And, oh yes, the movie was really nice. We all like it.

The next Day

Ok so we didn't take her phone away. My level of anxiety and therefore of anger was certainly high enough to have done just that. However more soothing voices than mine prevailed....For the time being. But she heard the threat and she knows that I'll do the deed.

I am about to go off to a PotLuck supper with other parents from Kate's school and it's raining and I don't wanna go. At all. Rain always makes me want to go home. Put on my pJs, sweat socks and just coze in...This business of wearing grown up clothes and basically working until 8:00pm and being pleasant to people is exhausting...

What a whiner.

The Chaperone

Thank god for the chaperone. no,not the chaperone at the damn dances but the one embedded in Kate's phone which is basically a GPS. Yesterday after I put her on the bus for school, I went home and stared at the phone to see if I could will it to ring so that I could hear her voice saying that she had arrived at school safely. Waiting for the phone to ring is something all teenagers go through and it's one of the things I never want to repeat. in fact I would be a teenager again. Lucky for me it's also not possible. Maybe I would revert to being in my 20's but a conflicted teenager. NEVER.
But of course just like my teenage days the phone didn't ring so I called Kate to make sure that she had arrived at school. Oh yeah, Mom, just arrived.

Doubtful. But this morning she was supposed to call her Dad when she arrived at school and didn't. However just by checking the chaperone application, I know that she did arrive at school. So we are going to take the phone away and thank god for technology. That's todays prayer.

Suburban Mom

Well, that's certainly not me. But I almost had that title this morning because Arnie took an early morning train to Washington so I was forced to get up at the crackers of dawn to walk the dog, and then, what the hell. Go to the gym. And I had agreed to be at kate's school at 11 which effectively ment that I had the morning at home. So, wonderig around in my gym clothes always makes me feel like an at leisure mom. Miss Murray and I walked kate to the bus stop and waited for the bus to come. That's all it took for me to feel like a lady of leisure. Of course the kink was that the 11 o'clock meeting got cancelled so I had to run home, change my clothes and hustle off to work.

Breakfast

Had breakfast this morning with one of my favorite people since we met 8 years ago at a pot luck dinner for our children’s kindergarten class. I knew her as an individual before I knew her as part of a married couple with a united front and so while our conversations are often about our children, their experiences at school, they are also about us as people and what we like and don’t like about the world, ourselves, our husbands, etc. Her husband can be quite charming but at the same time when he doesn’t find you important enough or potentially helpful enough, his inability to mask that disinterest is quite rude. Several years ago they came to a dinner party that I had carefully created in order to introduce several women friends of mine that I thought would find each other really interesting. In short it was a women’s dinner with men the window dressing. And then because her husband is a vegetarian, I ordered a special and expensive vegetarian dinner for him. they had just arrived when he said that he couldn’t stay for dinner because he had to go interview an artist. As cocktails went on you could tell that this was a lie and that he found the other guests vastly interesting and potentially useful and was greatly regretting his prematurely announced departure. I was pretty damn angry and then I was also left with a whole lotta vegetarian lasagna. That's the back story. What brought that on?

Anyway after our stop at the local coffee shop this morning we walked over to the Green Market which is something I do more to experience the incredible colors and textures of the fruits and vegetables being sold than I do out of sheer food necessity. Wonderful white cauliflowers, stall after stall of pungent apples and the last vestige of heirloom tomatoes -- some quite expensive -- and corn. I hope to get back to buy some tomatoes in bulk so that I can make sauce.

Who Am I? Trick or Treat

We, that is Kate and I, have discussed at some length the various personanas she could assume for Halloween. Given that she is intent on trick or treating....the best suggestion that I made was immediately accepted. Today, Kate wishes to be Abby from NCIS. That would mean being goth.So this morning as she was assuming the hair position, Kate suddenly asked about cutting bangs. Abby has bangs. need you ask. Not a good idea.

Please.

Not a good idea.

Please, please

ok.

so she immediately cut bangs and she looks like Lydia. Or, the way Lydia used to look before she let her hair grow and started wearing contact lenses.

A whole lotta doubt was evident in Kate's face: Oh, how does this look?

It looks ok.

Just ok?

I like the other look better, but it's just hair and it will grow out.

Oh, I can't look like a nerd. That's serious.

A week without Alice

Alice has been in the Hospital since last Thursday having tests and whatnot to figure
out why she fainted in the middle of the night. Could be a seisure or low blood pressure or other things that I can't even imagine. But certainly we want her to be well and to know what happened. But certainly we want her back at work. Kate tackled me with what I wanted more: having Alice back to work or having her well. I want her healthy so that she can lead a wonderful life and take care of us. Because in the meantime I am coping with replacing a very efficient support system. And I'm cranky about it. But most of all it's Alice's relationship with Kate that is central to our household. I see that that is what I need to say to kate to help her understand the contect of what is going on.
So kate came home by herself yesterday successfully and this morning Arnie took her to the bus stop and she went off to school by herself and tonight she will do it again. I would prefer to have Alice pick her up but Alice is still among the missing. I had no idea that I would turn out to be such an overprotective mother. Who is this person who is such a wimp. I'm sure that at 13 I was wondering the streets of New York in a selective way. Actually I was tucked away at boarding school, oh god, it's been so long that I don't really remember.

Home Again

this is the other part of the post that I put up this morning. Kate came home alone this afternoon. Ok not a big deal but to me. A hughe deal. Of course I tried calling her along the way and she doesn't hear her cell phone. So why have one for chrissake. But according to the GPS we embedded in her phone all was copasetic.

Too much growing up going on here. Where is that cute little baby with fat feet?

Etan Patz

Even after 30 years this is a name that still strikes terror in the hearts and minds of New York parents. How could they have let him walk alone? As it becomes incr easingly clear that Kate can and should get herself to school, I am now coping with my serious reluctance to let her out of my sight. Like this morning, for instance. We got off the bus and I watched her cross 3rd Avenue and then suddenly I began to tear up. And quickly found a reason to call her with some dubious questions. But of course while she has a goddam phone it doesn't mean that it rings, or that she answers it or that it is actually on.

The Best Invitation

Kate invited me into her room to listen to music...how about that. I have bragging rights because thats hands down the best invitation ever to go into the inner sanctum and listen to the music and to the words. Of course now you can find the words on your computer....I kinda don't remember the words to songs when I was a teenager but while some of these songs are also inane and repetitive, some of them are high sexual. I hate to say it but Tipper Gore was right. God i hated her then and thought she was a jerk but now I gotta face up to it. She was right.

Great weekend with everybody in good form. We are in the middle of an experiment with Real Simple magazine that listed menus for 30 dinners and so we are in the middle of following them. It's kind of a low rent Julia and julie. My one concern is that the food is relatively bland but onward and upward. Saturday it rained just at the time that Kate had soccer -- can you imagine such great timing? -- and so I was happy. So happy. Slacker Mom. We watched a movie at home and had a great evening. And sunday we spent in Chinatown looking for Pork Buns and stopping into the new MOCA Museum. That was the deal: at least a half an hour in the Museum was worth 6 pork buns. We stumbled onto a program about Chinese Music and even if the mini concert didn't result in a conversation about it, I'm sure that the experience lived on.

Suburban Mom

That would be Arnie. He did the schlepping, picking up and feeding of Kate the weekend I was in Atlanta. Looked for the missing in action cell phone. Found the missing in action cell phone. Good job Arnie. And then today and yesterday because Alice was out of commission, he has been doing the same thing. Picking up the dog food, cooking dinner, getting some last minute ingredients and then emergency: Kate had no shin guards so she couldn't play soccer and that required an early pick up.

I am safely squared away at the office enjoying all of this mightly....