Free time

Most dogs including the saintly Miss Murray will eat anything that hits the floor. There are very few exceptions to that rule but apparently Peas are it. I was flying around the kitchen this afternoon enjoying the sounds of solitude in the apartment and feeling very virtuous because I had yet again stacked the dish washer perfectly. Who, after all, could load the thing better than I? I try and give directions to the lessser folks in my house but they never do it exactly right. You get the drift. I was on a high. And that's when I dropped an entire unclosed -- by whom I ask -- un ziploc bag of peas. And Miss Murray was strictly no help at all. They are still on the floor right now. Well, that's just to give her a chance to make up for ignoring them the first go round. But blissfully I have no one here, that would be the teenager in residenced, to comment on how clumsy I am.

Free lord. I am free of the commentators and teenage critic in my life. If you are reading this now, oh family mine, I will be so happy when you come home but come on let me enjoy the sounds of silence. Arnie took Kate to see Sherlock Holmes and then to soccer. And I have decided to stay unbathed and live in my sweats. I am invisible. I am alone for, dare I say it out loud....5 hours.

This past week roared into the weekend and on Friday night as I was rushing downtown on the subway to meet up with friends for an unusual safari into Brooklyn, I was also negotiating a contract for a very popular TV show to come into the Museum and film. Good thing that I paid attention to texting a few months ago. So I arrived at our friend's house still talking on phone. I'm sure I have delusions of being a mogul. My only question: Where's the beef?


Off to Brooklyn to a very nice restaurant and a great evening that everyone enjoyed until we all acknowledged that we were green with fatigue. We dropped Anne and
Steve off at their house and went home to a house without Kate who was at their house for a sleepover that was apparently a huge success from her point of view. She had a great time. I now know that Anne and Steve arrived home to find their two girls and Kate radiant in red, blue and green paint after a pretty extensive paint fight. Into the showers. And then they got to sleep around midnight. Home for Kate's chinese lesson in the morning.. I made a Minestrone soup and then in the afternoon we all went to see Avatar. 4 Stars all round. Until I tried to make the walk home a teachable moment and asked kate if she could think of another situation where corporate or government interests compromised indigenous populations. I got nowhere with that.

And now here I am with time to read my new book after dutifully reading her Percy Jackson book,The Lighting Thief, which is a good story, a great way to teach kids about Greek mythology and it's going to be a good movie...opening soon. But enough about that.

Old Habits

The first thing I did when I moved into my first apartment on Jane Street -- it wasn't buying cleaning supplies beleive me-- was to go out in the evening at 10:00 pm without asking anyone's permission. That was my idea of being independent. Now I take great pleasure in leaving the house with wet hair because now I know I'm not going to catch "my death of cold." It sounds sort of stupid even to me as I write it but it gives me secret pleasure and I feel independent of anybody else's control. Besides Anahad O'Connor who writes a column debunking health myths for the Times said it was ok.

A new secret pleasure is the ability to duck into the Library on my way to work and browse current books. I don't know when these user friendly hours went into effect but I really like them. And the Library now stays open until 9 or even 10 in the PM.

Maybe I'm writing about some of these things that please me because I am running smack into the teenage years of my 13 year old whose greatest pleasure in criticising me. I understand that she is doing this in order to be independent of me and to create distance but it can be tough to withstand. A finely honed sense of humor is imperative so that we can both be independent and yet stay in touch.

Child Proof Weekend

Kate apparently has enough charm to be invited away for a 2 night sleepover and we were left behind at home to rocket around at will. I had such a bad cold that I could think about nothing all day except putting on PJ and sweat socks and cuddling in bed with a year's supply of Kleenex. Which I did. So that the next morning I was almost fresh as a daisy and able to go out to Central Park with Miss Murray, take a nap and then do the New York thing. Arnie and I went down to Soho for lunch in what I call my kind of restaurant. Simple french food. I had steak frites and a glass of red wine. Restorative value -- almost -- of a trip to France. I am so over Italian restaurants because I care nothing about pasta and over chinese restaurants because I just dont care. These french are my people and their food is devine. Then we went out to West Broadway to pass amongst them. All of them. Had some earrings fixed and then went to the movies and saw The Last Station about Tolstoy. The movie was good but I'm still not motivated to run out and start reading War and Peace.

Kate came home on Sunday with the spoils of her weekend which were considerable. Lots of clothes, candy, cocoa puffs and a viewing of the film It's complicated which I had refused to allow her to see for any of the following reasons: too adult, too sexy, to much frontal nudity, too adult themes. you get it. But she said she got it too!

Rice Dumplings in Banana Leaf

My Father and I used to go out every Saturday for lunch and if we didn't go to Longchamps -- where I first experienced unsalted butter -- and then to a movie, we would go exploring downtown Manhattan and often end up in Chinese restaurants. My father who always wore an overcoat and hat would walk into some small divey restaurant, sniff the air and either shake his head and leave, muttering "old grease" or we would stay for lunch. Moo Gu Gai Pan was my favorite dish until I just stopped eating chinese food altogether. Don't ask why cause I don't reallty know. Now I'm back at it. Mostly I'm afraid it's carbs, like sticky rice in banana leaves or dumplings. And now I'm having delusions of grandeur when I start to read about making steamed dumplings. Well, you can do it easily because we have made them but I'm reading about steaming rice dumplings in banana leaves in a vietnamese stle. Or making pork buns. Sounds devine. But I'm wondering how in the world I would do all this. I practically don't cook anymore, serious cooking that is, and instead lean heavily on our housekeeper to put stuff together so that I can look like it's all easy. Last night was a girls dinner for 6 with lasagna. I made the sauce and Alice put it together. I never liked lasagna cause it was too complicated but Alice makes it simple! And the interesting thing about the girls evening, beside the lasagna which was good, was just how happy these women were to be there. None of them really knew each other and the conversation flowed immediately. They came at 6:30pm and finally at 9 Kate when wandered through saying good night, people began to leave. A big pot of coffee and we might have had guests for breakfast.

More independence for Mom

Busy morning with everybody going in different directions by 7:15am. So kate walked herself to the bus stop. Texted to say that she had arrived. Got on the bus and texted when she got to school. "Isn't this exciting she wrote?"

Yes and no.

The name Etan Patz forever changed the way New York children and parents looked at this urban landscape. It was 30 years ago but whenever parents talk about responsibility and getting their children back and forth from school, the name Etan Patz hangs in the air. Etan was a 5 year old boy who finally was allowed to walk 2 blocks in his Tribeca neighborhood to the school bus and never got there. Now we all say how could his parents have let a 5 year old walk alone on the streets. They allowed it because nothing like that had happened before. It plays out when I'm reluctant to let my 13 year do anything more than walk the dog around the block.

Ok so this is more independence for Mom. I'm ready and I can handle it.....

Independence

Chinese lessons, a trip to the hairdresser and then a sleepover for kate with Lile. Monday was the extra day but Arnie had to work, so Kate and I had a girls day. The kick off event was a trip uptown to Jodell's house to pick up the Mac that she gave me. Me. that's the operative word. And I am sharing that Mac with Kate who now has 3 computers on her desk. Arnie's old computer, a small mini computer and now the new MAC which Kate advised me this morning in a knowing voice is "old." Aren't we all

And Friday morning I had breakfast with a friend who indicated politely I was insane not to have given Kate texting privileges. Ok, Ok. It wasn't about Kate actually and whether or not I could trust her, it was much more about me. I'm wanting to be protective and was freaked out about the idea of cyber bullying. All my chat rooms are full of stories about girls bullying each other and I've certainly read Rachel Simmons' books and articles about this. Kate acted all street tough when I ran this past her. Don't worry,she said, if some one tries to bully me, then I'll just stop talking to them. She has no idea how nasty this can be but apparently I had no idea how important the idea of texting was to her, so I reluctantly agreed. We got a plan with 250 texts a month so all you people who want to text kate, be aware that she may be in perpetual hock if she goes over 8 texts a day!

It Takes A Village to Raise a child

and luckily for me the Village has stepped up to the plate, to mix metaphors. Kate will have a sleepover with Lile on Saturday of this 3 day weekend which will give Arnie and me some time to go to movies that Kate would find "BORING." I really want to see the movie with Helen Mirren about Tolstoy And then the following weekend she has another sleepover which will give us time to go to a grown up restaurant and linger over coffee.

The weather has warmed up a little and so it's off to the park with Miss Murray on Saturday.

Who is Cooking

Well cooking is one of my great pleasures. Early on I wanted to emulate my father who was a good old boy from Georgia and a sensational self taught cook and he told that I could use the stove and cook as soon as my belly button hit the top of the stove. Then of course we got a new stove and there was more waiting. But then I really started cooking and then taking cooking classes. Pulling a meal together can be such fun because you have the research -- read all those fab cook books -- about what to cook, the shopping which I actually enjoy and then The Cooking. To great acclaim you hope. So, it's a perfect win-win. There is a beginning, middle and end. And then the applause.

But these days not so much. It's not a question of applause, it's just that I don't care about cooking or really what I eat. Hot food figures highly on my key list as a survivor and I embrace it as a concept. Butwhen I don't want to cook, then my family has eaten alot of cereal or drunk shakes for dinner. Isn't that a backwards day after all?

And now to cope with my gastronmic slowdown, Arnie is cooking several days week which is really quite nice. I like to sit down with both Arnie and Kate at family dinners where we share what we did and didn't do during the day and so it's very nice to have Arnie take over the chef role. Last night was Linguine with clams.
So, chef, What's for dinner for tonight?

The best and the Worst

When Kate was a little girl I used to ask her to tell me about the best part of her day and the worst part of her day. Those answers could range all over the map and yesterday was just one of those days when i revisited that format. Because it was a hell of a day for me too.

The worst part of the day was having to talk to Alice about cutting back her hours to 3 days a week. everybody knew this was coming including Alice but we all pretended that it wouldn't. Alice has been with us for 10 years and is very much a part our daily routines. But her most important contribution is her on going and very steady relationship with Kate. Kate reads out loud to Alice, they laugh, Alice taught her how to play a killer game of Monopoly and they go everywhere together. It does sound like Alice is going away and that is not the case. But this represents change and neither Kate nor I do well with change and especially separation of this kind. I'm older therefore I can do a really good dog and pony about how great change is and how important it is. I don't always beleive it but as for seperation -- this is Kate's great bug a boo. Separation is a real mine field.

Ok so the best part of the day was a surprise gift from a good friend of her gently used Mac. Hooray. I smiled a whole lot and Kate did a war dance of pleasure. The Mac just has a different feel and looks amazing. I also always see people walking around holding their Macs and so that was the first thing I did too. Walk around with the Mac in one hand. Sold america. We have the worst lap tops in the world and they are mostly second hand. Arnie has a work computer and Kate can use it for homework and then we have one that is awful and SLOW and a mini that has never been a very successful addition to our electronics arsenal. And we also have a pretty old computer in Kate's room that Kate's friend quiz her about. What could it be? A computer? No way.

Way.

The Cold

After putting off a trip with Miss Murray to Central Park for several weeks, Kate and I finally suited up and went to Central Park. That means we put on tights, blue jeans and heavy coats to brave the elements which were figuring in at 18 degrees. After no more than 20 minutes I began to feel my face freeze. But still I love the time in the Park with other dog owners who are one on one with Ajax, Simon, Worthington and Lucy. Their dogs of course. And then I was able to coax Kate in coming to Chinatown with me to try a dumpling restaurant that I had read about in some magazine. The restaurant was pretty good although I still think the dumplings we ate in Xian were what turned me into a dumpling addict.

Arnie refused to go out of the house except to quickly walk Miss Murray and for his regular smoking interludes.

winter 24/7

My route to the subway after taking kate to School is through Union Square and the Greenmarket people are still there setting up their booths of vegetables, bread and fruits for us city slickers. This morning was grey with some intermitten snow and so I bought some -- rather large amount -- dried lavender which not only smells great but is used for relaxation in aromatherapy. I don't quite understand that chemically. But it makes me relax because it reminds me of several trips that made to a monastary in the south of France which is surrounded by fields of lavender. So I relax just by thinking about vacations in the south of France during warm summer days.

And then I stopped by another stall and bought some cheese from an Amish farmer. I didn't tell him that I had just watched a TV program about a murder in the Amish community.

Not relaxing.

Racism

Kate is all about her looks these days and she can agonize endlessly, it seems to me, about whether or not her outfit is cute. Not necessarily warm but cute, matching or kool. What do I know? So I listen because I sometimes spend inordiante amounts of time agonizing over which earrings to wear....So last night's dinner conversation centered on how she didn't like her skin color. Too dark. The darkest in her class. Much too dark.

In fruitless parental style we tried to answer with logica and said that she was the color that she was because she is Chinese. "Yes," she said, "but I don't want people to see me as Asian." Hmm. That is going to be difficult. And then Arnie talked about how people just see your exterior, "Take me, for instance, I look Jewish."

"Which means what?" asked Kate.

"Well, Jewish people have big ears and large noses, like me."

"Is Barack obama Jewish?" she countered

The Growth Spurt

Kate announced this morning that her feet were touching the ground even though she was sitting back in a taxi. I guess that means that I have to measure her again. I am hoping that she has really grown again which seems impossible to me and Although her food intake seems to me to be inadquate so something must be going on. We are about to embark on the breakfast wars. I've always tried to steer away from meal time as a power struggle and just go with the flow. As they say. But breakfast which I too consider an irritating meal is becoming really irritating. Kate has a list of about 9 things which she will deign to eat at any time. Eggs, peanut butter and toast are not on that list. So whacha gonna do about breakfast? Cocoa puffs don't make it for me and I know that she totally forgets to eat during the day. So OMG. I think we will be all over the old favorites like a blanket and make soup, mac and cheese and cheerios the way to kick off her day!

Stay tuned.

It's the New Year

I never used to understand people's vehemence about starting a new year and talking about ridding themselves of the past year. Until now that is. 2009 was a tough year for us. and I've had enough so it's time to move on. As I always say: There will be parties.

And the weekend had plenty of entertainment and mini parties. Friends for dinner on New Year's Eve with our now traditional menu of shrimp and grits. A trip to the gym on New Year's Day just to prove to myself that I can do it and will do it. We all went to see the Princess and the Frog which gets my vote for "instant classic" I've suffered through a whole lot of bad and I mean really bad kids movies and this was just delightful. Even Arnie was so absorbed that he didn't notice the screaming kid in front of him being whisked away by his parents.

More visits from friends. Kate had extra attention from our friends who took her out ice skating -- too cold -- and shopping! More people over for dinner and finally Sunday which was a day just to stay inside away from the incredible cold and read. I announced that I was not cooking,or dressing and everybody was on their own!!! Wonderful feeling.

Now I'm back to my own reality show.